Boundaries is a Necessary Part of your mental self-care. Without setting boundaries, you feel depleted, taken advantage of, taken for granted, or intruded upon. Poor boundary can lead to resentment, hurt, anger, and burnout. Boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. Even God has clear and consistent boundaries. In fact, the bible is a book full of boundaries. The word that is most commonly used for it is “commandment.” We have access to be saved from sin and have eternal life. But in order for us to experience salvation we need to accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and saviour. This is just one of the many boundaries in the word of God.
As we are on the journey of having the character of God. We also need to set boundaries that are in line with the character of God. Just as God has boundaries with us. We too, need to have boundaries with others. One more thing that I have to mention, is that your boundaries should be in line with the word of God. The word of God is the right way to life. Any boundary that is not in alignment with the word of God is questionable. You need to use the bible as the basis of setting your boundaries. The word of God is trust-worthy, has power and never changes. Anything that is good will be supported by the bible. If it’s not good, the bible will not support it. Healthy boundaries are in alignment with the word of God.
Setting Boundaries consists of:
- Communication
- Respecting others boundaries
- Keeping your own boundaries
Communication
You need to teach people how you want to be treated. It is not fair to expect them to know how you want to be treated or to read your mind. Boundaries differ from person to person. That is why clear boundaries and the consequenses if your boundaries are broken should be communicated. Most people deal with the fear of communicating their boundaries, because they are afraid of the reaction of the other party. It is important to communicate your boundaries anyway. It’s gonna be uncomfortable and nerve wracking. But if you don’t communicate your boundaries, the person will continue their behavior which can lead to your resentment, anger and burnout. To avoid this you will have to communicate your boundaries and the consequences if they don’t respect it.
In the case where someone reacts negatively, it is better to take space from them. Keep it cordial, but the relationship does not have to be as intimate as before. In the case where after communication of your boundaries, the other party keeps on displaying the same behaviour and ignoring your boundaries. You need to enforce the consequences instantly. keep your word and do what you said. In all of this you have to prioritize your mental health. It’s okay to prioritize your mental self-care. You need to love your neighbors “as yourself”, not “more than yourself.” This means there is a limit, loving your neighbor should not lead to self-negligence. “Just as I want the best for you, I want the best for myself. If being in contact with you leads to the destruction of myself. I have every right to remove myself from this situation.”
Respecting Others Boundaries
Just as you want others to respect your boundaries, you must also respect others their boundaries. This means that when someone communicates their boundaries to you, listen and respect it. It doesn’t matter how ridiculous it may sound to you. If you know that you won’t be able to respect their boundaries, communicate that and accept the consequences that comes with it. If you notice that someone has trouble communicating their boundaries, it is always nice to ask them what behaviour they don’t like. That way you can indirectly get to know what their boundaries are. Mutual respect is needed in setting boundaries.
Keeping Your Own Boundaries
It is much more difficult to enforce boundaries when you can’t even keep your own. And to be honest it is unfair to expect others to keep your boundaries when you can’t even keep them. It will be an impossible task to expect others to respect your boundaries if you don’t respect them yourself.
"Your curfew is 10 pm. You told your friend that you need to leave at 9 pm to make it home at 10 pm. Then, When 9 pm comes around and you need to leave, your friend insists that you stay 10 minutes longer. You decided that 10 minutes will not hurt. 10 minutes became 30 minutes and an hour later you find yourself leaving at 10 pm and reaching home at 11 pm. you slept around 12 pm and ended up being late for work the next day."
In the previous scenario it would be easy to blame your friend. But the first person that broke your boundary is you. which leads to me to the next point “everytime you allow someone to break your boundary, you break it first.” Because you failed to respect the boundary you set by not enforcing it, you broke it first. The first step to setting boundaries is to keep it yourself. Keeping your own boundary is the highest form of self-care.