Pursuing Singleness
Have you ever received practical advice on how to pursue singleness? Perhaps you’ve thought, “Why singleness? I’m more interested in relationship advice.” Let me offer a fresh perspective. There’s a common misconception that being single means being alone. In truth, singleness is the opposite of loneliness. Singleness means being separate (set apart, unique, and distinct), whole (complete, unified, at peace with yourself), and fully you.
Being single means that your best friend is yourself. It’s about knowing you don’t need to imitate anyone else or rely on a relationship to feel important. While countless coaches give advice on relationships, what we often truly need is guidance on how to embrace and pursue singleness. Believe me, learning to master singleness can resolve most relationship challenges. You’re ready for a relationship when you no longer feel the need for one. In this post, I’ll share practical advice on how to pursue singleness.
Singleness Means:
- Focusing on God
- Fulfilling Your Purpose
- Practicing Self-Care
1. Focusing on God
Focusing on God is foundational and can be divided into two parts:
- Loving God: This means being obedient to His commandments.
- Loving your neighbors as yourself: (For more on this, see my post, “How to Live by the Love of God.”)
This is the most important step in your journey to pursue singleness. Without this foundation, the other steps won’t make sense. To succeed in singleness, you must be connected to God. There’s no way around it, as God provides the strength to walk this path successfully.
The Bible reminds us to seek first the Kingdom of God. When you do this, everything else—your desires, goals, and fulfillment—will naturally fall into place. Staying connected to God ensures that you’ll never grow weary of being single. Even in marriage, singleness is a state to maintain. Why? Because your fulfillment comes from God, not from your spouse. This allows you to add to your partner’s life without seeking to take from it—and vice versa.
2. Fulfilling Your Purpose
Your purpose is the unique calling God has placed on your life. It’s the gift He’s given you to solve a problem in the world. Pursuing your purpose means:
- Discovering your gift
- Developing and refining it
- Serving it to the world
When you focus on fulfilling your purpose, you naturally become more attractive to potential partners. The beauty of this is that you’re not trying to attract anyone; your dedication and passion will draw others to you. Cultivating the gift God has given you brings influence and significance, which are inherently attractive qualities. Finding joy and purpose in what you love will make this journey of singleness deeply fulfilling.
3. Practicing Self-Care
Taking care of yourself—mentally, emotionally, and physically—is a crucial aspect of singleness.
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Mental Health: Everything you do flows from your mind. Protect and nurture it by creating a quiet time routine with God. Spending time in His presence strengthens your mental health.
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Emotional Health: Emotional self-care is often overlooked but essential. Your emotions are designed to alert you when something is wrong, especially when boundaries are crossed. However, the Bible teaches us in 2 Corinthians 5:7, “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” Don’t let emotions dictate your actions; instead, let faith guide you.
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Physical Health: Your body is the vessel through which you fulfill your purpose. Take care of it by eating well, staying hydrated, getting enough rest, maintaining hygiene, and exercising. Physical health enables you to carry out God’s calling on your life effectively.
Conclusion
God, Purpose, and Self-Care—these are the GPS for your singleness. They will guide you to lead a fulfilling and content life. As you pursue singleness with this system, you’ll find peace within yourself and resolve many relational struggles. Life will become more exciting, and you’ll look forward to living each day with purpose and joy. Singleness isn’t a phase to rush through but a state to cherish and embrace as you prepare for whatever God has in store.
